The first nine months of my marriage to my husband were filled with much anxiety and struggle. We were married fairly quick, it seemed both of us knew what we wanted for we had both been through a couple of relationships that taught us what we didn't want. But what we didn't know at the time of our nuptials, was how difficult it would be to express our desires to each other and to ourselves.
Both of us were terrified, after the first few weeks of marriage, reality set in and we both got scared. It didn't help that I was pregnant at the time with our first child together. My husband retreated to partying heavily and I retreated into depression. Even during the long torturous months of my pregnancy, I never once thought he might have issues deeper than a new and pregnant wife. I was terrified of the marriage situation and having another baby, so understandably I could sense he would be too. His job record wasn't too good, but then neither was mine, so that didn't send up any red flags either. The only thought I could see at the time is that the marriage was a mistake.
Just before our son was born, I contacted a lawyer and inquired about a divorce. I tracked my husband down at a party house where he had been hiding out and told him that I felt we had made a mistake, it seemed that was the only thing obvious. He would disappear for days on end and I would cry. After I told him that I was okay with walking away and that I held no ill will towards him I kissed his cheek, said good-bye and headed home with the intent to file for divorce in the morning and move on with my life, letting him move on with his.
Thankfully someone upstairs didn't intend for this to happen........................
Many hours after I returned home and after I was already in bed, my husband burst through the door. He threw himself into my arms and wept like a baby. We talked well into the night (or at least until I left for the hospital due to the beginning of labor) and we worked through a lot of our fears, this was the defining moment in our marriage and the one that solidified my original thought that we were meant to be.
Pathway's of Life
There is always more than one and neither is ever clear.
What is dual diagnosis?
Dual Diagnosis is a medical term used to categorize a person that suffers from both a mental disorder or illness and a dependency such as alcohol or drug abuse.
It is common to find that a person who suffers from a mental disorder such as bipolar, also has a problem with drinking or drugs or vice-versa. Both disorders can lead to emotional, financial and relationship problems on their own, combing the two can be twice as difficult.
Most people who suffer from a dual diagnosis are often diagnosed with either the mental illness or a substance abuse problem first and the other is discovered later.
For example, alcohol abuse can make if very difficult to medically treat the symptoms of bipolar disorder. The alcohol is a self-medication that allows the individual to feel temporary relief from effects of bipolar disorder. This fix is only temporary and because of that, the individual needs the constant medication that alcohol offers, which leads to abuse. It is in this way that someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, who has no prior history of a drinking problem can develop one.