Pathway's of Life

Pathway's of Life
There is always more than one and neither is ever clear.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

My Release


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Saturday, November 1, 2008

Having a Party

My youngest step daughter celebrated her birthday today. Because we have such a large yard now and the Michigan weather has been relatively warm and mild, we agreed to allow all the kids to have a fall party. SD2 celebrated her birthday, the older step-kids came down and seemed to really enjoy the break from home and all the fun with family and friends. My kids had a ball playing with their cousins and I must admit, I really enjoyed it myself.

Because MDH can often over drink and his attitude is so very unpredictable I am increasingly apprehensive of going anywhere public with him. I never know if it will end up to be a good time or a disasterous time and many of our associates (we don't have friends, friendships are very difficult to nourish when someone has a dual diagnosis, people don't understand their behavior) I usually opt out of going to parties, we have opted out so many times, we are rarely invited. This is hard because I am a deeply social person, but I am also a private person who doesn't want to have to make excuses for bad behavior. In the past MDH has gotten drunk and angry with whomever and turned on me. He has insulted me, left me at parties and treated me like dirt in front of whomever is there. This results in making us both look bad, but him particularly worse than me. I don't want pity, so I stay away. MDH of course gets drunk and leaves and goes anyway, not realizing or caring most people don't like or respect him for that and don't want his drama around.

In the case of our First gathering, he was well behaved. He didn't drink and I really think everyone had a wonderful time. Though I was apprehensive all day, I was easily able to relax and enjoy having family and friends around. Uncle Jimmy played Rockband with the kids, Grandma also played, SD2 cousins from her mom came and spent the weekend, it was just awesome all around.
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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Finding an Outlet

As the spouse to a person with a dual diagnosis, I know it is so incredibly important for me to have an outlet and something to call my own, a hobby, a passion a release. But, when my spouse is so sick, it can be next to impossible to achieve that.

I have a passion for photography, though I am not able often to nourish that passion. As of late I have been cleaning up so many messes that MDH has created. For alcoholics, this would be enabling, for dual diagnosis, I don't know what it is. I often think that if we didn't have children living in this chaos, then I would leave us both to drown in his messes. But as a mother, I have to make their lives as close to normal and peaceful as possible, so I clean up the mess.

His drinking is increasing and I am scared. The ISP officer does not strike me as a stupid woman, and I know at some point she is going to double check him. For now he waits to drink until she comes and leaves, then he is off to his happy place, in the garage with the stereo cranked. Though he is not drinking everyday as he once did, he is drinking weekly and on Probabtion and ISP that is too much!

But I have gotten off the subject of this post, which is to nurture yourself and find an outlet for yourself. Whatever the outlet, make sure you give yourself something to deflect from the chaos you live in everyday. Read, Write, Journal, Knit, Sing, Sew, Walk, Run, Photograph, Paint, it really doesn't matter, just do something for yourself. Give yourself your own happy place so that you can destress and reenergize to deal with the messes you are sure to have dumped on your lap.
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What is dual diagnosis?

Dual Diagnosis is a medical term used to categorize a person that suffers from both a mental disorder or illness and a dependency such as alcohol or drug abuse.

It is common to find that a person who suffers from a mental disorder such as bipolar, also has a problem with drinking or drugs or vice-versa. Both disorders can lead to emotional, financial and relationship problems on their own, combing the two can be twice as difficult.

Most people who suffer from a dual diagnosis are often diagnosed with either the mental illness or a substance abuse problem first and the other is discovered later.

In the case of bipolar disorder and alcoholism, these two can often go hand in hand, complicating the lives and success of recovery by nature of the diseases. Not only do the two feed off of each other, they can impair the stability of an individual.

For example, alcohol abuse can make if very difficult to medically treat the symptoms of bipolar disorder. The alcohol is a self-medication that allows the individual to feel temporary relief from effects of bipolar disorder. This fix is only temporary and because of that, the individual needs the constant medication that alcohol offers, which leads to abuse. It is in this way that someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, who has no prior history of a drinking problem can develop one.

Though a dual diagnosis can feel like a life sentence for the individual diagnosed and the ones who live with and love them, it doesn’t have to be. There is help available for both individuals and families. It is important though to seek treatment that can address both the issues. Treating just the bipolar disorder or just the alcohol may help temporarily, but won’t be sustaining long-term unless both or treated together.