We have setteled into our new home. The move was quick and utterly chaotic. Once my husband makes a decision to "change", he throws everything in a truck and hauls it to the new place. Often stuff isn't boxed or organized, just bagged and thrown in the truck. I discovered my toilet bowl brush in with my dishes! YUCK!
I have been doing a lot of reflecting since this move and though I like this house, with it's hardwood flooring and unique doors, I am not comfortable with this move. MDH thinks that this move will fix everything and I am pretty sure it will not change a thing in our lives. I believe we have to change those things. I am utterly helpless to change them when he is living within a delusional bubble. I brought up his meds again and WHOA! was that a mistake.
The move isn't going to remove him from Probabtion or take him off ISP. This move is also not going to cure his need or desire to drink. Though he has been on probabion, he has snuck in a beer or two and I know that if this continues, he will end up in jail. But I am utterly helpless at the moment. I can see him and feel him spinning out of control, but I can't reach him.
To him this move (like the others) will make everything okay. Several years ago we moved away from our town and lived about an hour away. We were incredibly happy. Our lives were calm, serene and as close to perfect as you can get. MDH didn't drink a drop, he didn't desire too. He was incredibly involved in his family and with me. We enjoyed a lot of good times together, snowmobiling in winter, mudding in spring, all the kids were happy, except the oldest, she terribly missed her grandparents and cousins. We moved back and continued for a couple of years to enjoy the same style of life. MDH thinks that the move away was the salvation (which is why we move so much, he is constantly looking for that salvation), he doesn't realize that during those years he was so much more content as a result of being on his medication.
Our lives didn't begin to fall apart and he didn't begin drinking until months after he went off his meds (through no fault of his own, an insurance glitch and lack of a spare $1500 a month to cover his meds took him off). It was early spring 2006 when he stared drinking again, at the time he could have affordably gone back on his meds. As he began to internally spin out of control, he reached for a bottle instead of the phone and the doctor and he has been spinning since.
I can only pray at this point, something in the move helps to calm him and bring him some internal peace, so that the family and I can have some ourselves.
Pathway's of Life
There is always more than one and neither is ever clear.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
What is dual diagnosis?
Dual Diagnosis is a medical term used to categorize a person that suffers from both a mental disorder or illness and a dependency such as alcohol or drug abuse.
It is common to find that a person who suffers from a mental disorder such as bipolar, also has a problem with drinking or drugs or vice-versa. Both disorders can lead to emotional, financial and relationship problems on their own, combing the two can be twice as difficult.
Most people who suffer from a dual diagnosis are often diagnosed with either the mental illness or a substance abuse problem first and the other is discovered later.
For example, alcohol abuse can make if very difficult to medically treat the symptoms of bipolar disorder. The alcohol is a self-medication that allows the individual to feel temporary relief from effects of bipolar disorder. This fix is only temporary and because of that, the individual needs the constant medication that alcohol offers, which leads to abuse. It is in this way that someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, who has no prior history of a drinking problem can develop one.